Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Goldilocks Complex

Do you ever feel like you don't fit in? Like you are to conservative for your "secular" friends and to secular for your "christian" friends?
I do.
All the time. I hate posers. I want to be me. But at 28 who the heck am I? I have no idea. I know I'm a wife and mother. I love Jesus; not because it's a bumper or a sappy experience, but because I can feel Him. I love Him. and oddly enough He loves me. I love reading and debating the Scriptures. I love helping people. I love organizing events.
I also love MMA, I like long island ice teas, I say Crap (a lot) I don't do laundry, no literally, I mean I get caught up in life, homeschooling, the kids, facebook, cooking, tiding the house which is Grand Central Station for the clutter fairies. and I over book myself WAY to much. I think that my blood only pumps when it's being chased by pure adrenaline. We celebrate Christmas, Easter, Halloween, 4th of July, New Years, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Jessica Day, Our Anniversary, Our Get Together Anniversary. Wait, what? you don't celebrate Jessica Day? you should! (totally kidding on that one) We have let our kids watch some PG 13 movies even though they are 5 and 6. and they watch Sponge bob. I have my favorite shows: Greys Anatomy, and Castle. And I enjoy a good cigar on occasion.
       Singularly they aren't that bad. But put all together you have a rebel, you have someone who is to conservative and to secular to fit in anywhere.
Then I wonder, I wonder (and this is probably sacrilegious to even type) I wonder if Jesus ever felt this way. I mean think about it, to non Jews he was a Jew, to the Jews he was a heretic. I mean he was circumcised and kept all the feasts but he went around healing people, casting out demons, forgiving sins, he claimed he was God's own Son. I mean he was totally too secular but to a non Jew he was totally too conservative.,
So what does that mean for me?
I have no idea but I have a husband that gets me and a small circle of friends that get me and maybe that's good enough.... Ever felt that way?

2 comments:

norma j hill said...

Hocus pick... I think you're my long lost twin or something... lol, well, I'm twice as old as you, but our lives are uncannily alike!

Okay, well maybe except for the cigars... I tried one once, and never again. Maybe because it was NOT a good cigar, lol.

But yes, I totally relate to the too conservative and too seular to fit in anywhere... and boy, oh, boy... I'm with your possibly heretical wondering too :-)

Love your posts. At last, someone who makes me feel like maybe I'm not totally alone in my unfitting-in, after all!

Jessica said...

we can unfit together :)