Behind Blue Eyes

How do you go on?

2011-09-01T08:59:00.001-04:00

When someone dies you know what is expected for the family. The million and one details, then comes the funeral (you dress in all black) the wake (you bring food, serve the guests, clean up aftewards) and then you slowly and painful go on with life. Time marches on and heals the ache in your heart. Not always but you don't walk around sobbing for the rest of your life.

This is different. This I don't know how to deal. How do you look at your smiley daughter crawling on the floor, feeding herself cheerios and banging toys together, and NOT cry? Cry because you know what's coming. Cry because you want so desprately to stop time. Every milestone, every achievement every therapy session is bittersweet. Joy mixed with tears. I have a pain in my heart that is sharp it takes my breath away sometimes. I know I should cherish every moment with her, not think to the future, pray because God can work amazing things. I know this in my head. But my heart won't stop breaking. My love for God has not changed, my faith in Him has not waiverd, but honestly I am so broken down I have to look up to see the floor.

Answers for Chloe

2011-08-31T01:48:00.001-04:00

A mother knows. A mother knows there is something wrong when she looks in the eyes of her newborn. She knows when her precious baby doesn't hit milestones or reach for her in the the "clingy" stage. A mother knows when her gut and instincts all scream "SOMETHING ISN"T RIGHT" And a mother knows when she would give all that she has to be wrong.

Today I got the call that ended the searching phase we have been in since roughly November 2010. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought that I had solved the puzzle. I didn't want to be right. I wasn't. I suppose I should have felt relieved. Some people start the searching phase and end up being in it for years. I didn't.

Rett Syndrome. two words that changed our lives forever. I had heard of it, once or twice I have scanned the symptoms only to quickly dismiss it. The outcome isn't good. But the blood test came back and it's Rett Syndrome. I honestly don't know much about it. I know more about it now than I did 24 hours ago though. Here's what I know, but seriously if you want to know more then I strongly urge you to go to http://www.nichd.nih.gov/ and look up Rett Syndrome.

It's rare: only 1 in every 10,000 to 25,000 live births result in a Rett Syndrome birth
It only affects girls with I think 2 exceptions ever. the reason is long and technical and has to do with X and Y chromosomes.
Unlike Angelman Syndrome which affects the chromosomes, Rett affects a single gene.
Rett Syndrome isn't degenerative but it is regressive. (I'm still fuzzy on the difference)
Rett Syndrome will eventually take my baby's ability to walk and crawl away.
She may learn to talk eventually but even that will be taken from her.
There are 4 phases of progression with Rett Syndrome
Early Onset Phase- she will stop developing
Rapid Destructive Phase-she will lose or regress learned skills quickly,* this phase is the hardest to swallow. It breaks my heart over and over* Purposeful hand movement and speech are the first to be lost......
Plateau Phase- regression slows. Seizures and movement problems are common in this stage. and most girls spend the majority of their time here
Late Motor Deterioration Phase- girls with either become stiff or lose muscle tome and some become immobile.

The reality of this is washing over me in waves of grief. Our life will never be the same. We are thinking about the future and trying not to be scared but we know that we need a house that is more open and handicap accessible. We will need a van that is modified to help us. And we need a communication device so we can communicate with Chloe. the list could go on and on. For now I will just have to take sleep. I will write again sooner than last time.

Crappy Sherbert

2011-06-26T13:02:00.001-04:00

Ok so you know how if you're at a fancy dinner and you get that little tiny bowl of sherbert to get you prepped for your meal. I got that once and I was like "ohhh this is tasty!" but then the next course came and I was like "oh that was crap compared to this!!!" I had that experience this past week. When we did the Westboro thing it was great, it was like the sherbert to my otherwise mundane life. Then this week happened. World Changers came and I saw people, men, women, teens on fire for God and serving. Without care for denomination or creed or church membership. There were people that wanted to help and serve just like me. For nothing more than to bring God glory. Unless we all have a heart for service. Unless we pour out ourselves. Unless we make much of Him and less of us. Unless....

Kids don't try this at home....

2011-06-21T00:35:00.000-04:00

Ok so I (with the help of my super smart friends who are WAY cooler than me) figured out a medical mystery. Yesterday was a busy day for me (as you can see from my previous post) as were the days (week actually) before that.To keep up I was stupid. Yep, it's not like I haven't admitted that before but I think that yesterday may have been a shining example of that. See, I am on prescription diet pills. They are very effective and they give me tons of energy. Well, yesterday I combined that with a Mountain Dew, followed a little later with a Red Bull and only one meal the whole day. Not only did it give me diarrhea of the mouth (I talk WAY to much when I'm on them with absolutely NO thought filter) but today I actually had a vein in my hand spontaneously rupture. It's nasty looking and it hurts. Did I already mention that I know it was dumb? So please refrain from telling me how bad that is, or how Caffeine is the devil. It scared me, getting on to me now won't help. I like to think I'm not entirely as dumb as a box of rocks so I get it and I won't do it again. However if there is someone out there that reads this obscure blog by this obscure girl and is about to take a Rx diet pill and wash it down with a red bull on an empty stomach I would say... DON'T DO IT!!!!
The good news is that it will heal with ice and rest. (per my super smart friends) so.... lesson number two. If you are going to serve others, don't kill yourself in the process. Just like the flight attendant says you have to put your air mask on first before your kids (yeah right like THAT'S going to happen, lets be honest) maybe before you serve others you should serve yourself breakfast.... Just a thought. But at least they could put on my tomb stone "She blew her heart out trying to help others" hahahaha.... oh come on, you have to think that's a little funny. A little? Ok moving on.....

World Changers and Me

2011-06-20T15:31:00.001-04:00

I had the most amazing opportunity to serve for the past several days. A church we attended years ago was the host church to World Changers. Actually 370 World Changers to be exact. I helped prepare for their arrival and then I helped when they descended on the church. They came from all over the country. It was neat. Here were teens and young adults that are PAYING to work for a week helping needy people in the ommunity. They were nice and polite, uncomplaining and courteous.The boys and the girls. I was also impressed with the leadership. The project coordinator was calm cool and in control every time I passed him.Crisis or not. His assistant was same way with smile always at the ready. And their office manager... DUDE!!!She was the quickest most efficient worker I have ever seen. For real!
I helped with everything from mixing hash browns with my hands (washed of course) to carrying suit cases up 3 flights of stairs. I cleaned bathrooms and emptied out sanitary boxes (don't ask ....you really don't want to know) I even took a young lady and her mom to the hospital after she hurt her ankle, and a host of other tasks. It was a joy unlike anything I can explain. Serving others with no thought of anything in return was like a long drink of water to my dehydrated soul. I made friends and memories and even though I thought I was giving of myself to them, they gave me a part of them as well. What a great and awesome God we have!!! He made us to serve. Some people don't get that. They think that the only person they should serve is themselves. But when you pour yourself out and try to "out do each other in love and good works" the joy and the "high" that you get is without words. So ask God to give you an opportunity to serve the body , then roll up your sleeves and be prepared to get dirty. Literally. And when you find yourself cleaning out a sanitary box just repeat in your head "I'm a living sacrifice, this will not kill me and it was bring glory to God." My prayer is this: that God provides more serving opportunities like that. And that my children have the heart for service that I strive to have. That they undertand and live as they know that life is not about them. It's about Him and serving Him. Oh! If you see a World Changer stop them and say HI because they changed my world.

Me

2011-06-09T01:00:00.001-04:00

Ok so I am opinionated and quick to tell people whats on my mind, and apparently Garden City Ga likes it. I've been offered an opportunity to help out the people of my wonderful city. They like my energy and spunk and are in need of a "hired gun". A term Bobby used in putting perspective on the situation. I'm excited to begin this new chapter. It's right up my alley. Politics, Helping others, Event planning, and Defending my city against people who would use this position for their own personal interests and the interests of a select few. I actually have an opportunity to help make a difference in peoples lives not just now but for their whole lives. I feel like this is a answer to my personal prayer that God would use me to help people and my heartfelt desire to get into politics. I know life is hectic right now and I know that this will only add to it but when things happen that are tough people are so quick to say God will never give you more than you can handle. So this is the promise that I will cling to. But I know that my whole life has been preparing me for this. I'm so excited.

My week and P90X

2011-05-25T23:33:00.001-04:00

So if you've read my blog at all this week you'd know I've had a busy week. Protests, sticking my foot in my mouth and single postedly making everyone in Savannah and the surrounding areas mad at me. Publicly apologizing for said foot. Also we have dealt with a fungel diaper rash, eye appointments, doctor visits, a live rock buying experince and it's only Wednesday!!! But such is life when you are a young family. Anywho, I am really actually writing to tell you about a new found interest I have. Intense workouts. I know, you are like "what? You?" and trust me I'm just as surprised as you. Ok so it all started last week. My friend Sara invited me to this Monday night workout at her churches fellowship hall. It was free and so I said ok. Usually it me talking her into some hair brained idea (think flamingos and 1am) so I said sure why not. I got myself all jazzed up and bought a Gatoraid (which I hated because it's synthetic sweat and that grosses me out, but now I actually like it.). The trainer guy did the P90X video. I did ok but I had to pass on one set of the excersizes. I found out that I am less cordinated than I am out of shape. Nevertheless I was proud of what I did survive. I mean, what I did accomplish. The next day however I was blown away at the energy I had. Ok I was sore. I mean like I had muscles I never knew I had writing me hate mail. My calves literally threatened to go on strike. Negotiations were tough, I had no idea they had joined a union. Fortunatly I put the squeeze on them and they agreed to stay attached to my legs.
But the energy I had was through the roof. And this coming from an energy junkie. Caffine, diet pills and ginsing actually turn up in my blood. Just kidding. Please save the pleas to stop and think about my heart. It's a joke. But I do love me some energy. And why not? You ever tried to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom with 3 kids, 5 chickens, a dog, 1 kid who needs special attention and a hottie for a husband? Life is busy. TLC is going to call me one day. Ok so the energy the next day even though I was sore was awesome. Now the day after that I was a little more energetic but more sore. So then this monday I go back to the class and per my request we did the Insanity DVD. Dude, I'm not going to lie. That was no joke. It was as intense as a Transporter movie. I loved it. However there was a little problem. Apparently my right knee didn't like it at all (old car wreak) and so it was a lot more painful. But the very nice trainer let me borrow the P90X DVD for the next two weeks. So this morning I pop it in at 8:30am. The boys were amped. Keychain (6 year old) lasted 15mins. Good, but Red (7 year old) lasted 36 out of 45 mins. He's a beast. Unfortunately he's even more uncorrdinated than his mommy. But he tried and stuck with it. I'm so proud. I however was able to stick with the whole thing!!!! I am uber excited! I really like this DVD. It's really hard but it gets results. I need to find some good shoes. Apprently they're important and could be the reason my knee hurt on monday.
What really surprised me though was the mental aspect of it. It like trips a switch in my brain and I almost think differently now. I don't really know how to describe it except I feel.... Happier, more in control. Ok I know what you're thinking "its only been three times, it takes a while and once the newness wears off you'll quit" maybe, but I seriously like this. Maybe this is my midlife crisis. I am almost.... I can't say it. The year after 29. But maybe I'll take up this and stay 29 forever!!! Ok wishful thinking I get it, but you never know. I do know that in this really crazy, out of control time in my life, it is so nice to set aside 45mins a day to me. It's something I can control, I can do this. It's empowering. It's P90X.

An Open Apology

2011-05-23T16:09:00.001-04:00

It was brought to my attention today that my post last night hurt and offended a lot of people. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, now would be a good time to go to another blog. I was going to write a letter to each one of you but then Bobby made a good point, if I offended in a blog post, then a proper way to apologize is through the same medium because I have no idea who all read and was offended by my post. I know from my stats that if half the people read it and were upset then that's still A LOT of people. So...

   First off I hate half hearted apologies. So since this is in a blog you have to use your imagination and hear the sincerity in my voice. Also I hate apologies with a lot of excuses. So if you want reasons behind my post and you are disappointed, well I'm sorry.

I thererfore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called. With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
   Eph. 4:1-3

My blog post yesterday was not humble, or gentle. I was not patient with my fellow believers nor was I eager to maintain unity. I am truly sorry.

Westboro Gauntlet

2011-05-22T21:05:00.001-04:00

Ok so first things first. Both our computers are down so I haven't been able to blog...until now. Bobby fixed up my phone so I could blog. Thanks sweetie!
Ok so a while back I blogged about Westboro Baptist Church and how the christian community doesn't stand up and say "these people are not christians". Well by some providential reason they saw fit to come here to Savannah Ga. I'm my eyes that's the gauntlet being thrown down and I will snatch it up in a heart beat. We heard about them coming three or so weeks ago. That gave me a chance to think and pray and plan. Then last monday I started talking to the boys about sinners and Jesus and how he interacted with them, how he talked to them and how we are to be imitators of Christ. We also talked about loving your neighbor and who exactly is our neighbor. We talked about those concepts all week long. Then last night at dinner we laid our cards on the table. We told the boys about WBC and the counter protesters. We told them about our reasons for going. We told them that someone had to stand up and say to both sides "these people are not christians" we had to tell them about Jesus. I told them about my plans to make signs and how it could be dangerous. Then our 6 year old looked at me imploringly and asked. "are you going Mommy?" "yep!" was my answer. "Then I'm going too. I need a sign" He was sure. It gave me courage.
This morning I was amped. Probably something the way a MMA guy feels the morning of a fight. He knows there's a chance he could get the crap beat out of him, or he could win. Us too. So as an answer to prayer Nana (my MIL) who is a saint, took Chloe and we took off down town. We got there and there were like 20 cops and that was it. 5 minutes later it was like a flash mob but much less cool ..... the WBC group arrived and so did the counter protesters. We grabbed our signs and stood there for a minute. Having never done this before I didn't know what to expect. I prayed that God would give me an idea of what to do and the next thing I know there was someone asking to take the boys (and their signs) pictures. It was a perfect opportunity for me to talk to them. After that it was easy, lots of people wanted to take the boys pictures. They were the only kids (with the exception of two babies in strollers) there. People were so open to talking to me. Gay people, straight people, military people, cops, counter protest leaders. So many people. All needing Jesus. I was struck with how lost both sides were. Friday is another protest, this one at the high schools and the Jewish places. Once again we'll be there, talking to people and talking Jesus.

The Chloe Chronicles

2011-04-21T23:42:00.001-04:00

I have resolved not to make this post as bleak and depressing as the others have been but well we'll see how that goes.
Ok to all who are waiting patiently and not so patiently here are the latest details in the Chloe Chronicles.
We are STILL waiting on the confirmation on the go ahead to get her blood work done. BUT the nurse Caroline is back at the office and the very saintly secretary Tracy put our paperwork at the top of her to do list and so she has been working on it and called yesterday to tell me that she is still waiting to hear back from the geneticist that is employed by the insurance company or the insurance approved lab. I'm not sure which. anyways, the deal (I think is) that we may have to travel to Augusta or Atlanta to get the blood drawn. Please don't ask me why, you may however ask me for Coventry Insurance's number to ask them yourself. :) At this point I don't really care, just tell me what to do and I'll do it.
Today we had a speech and feeding evaluation. Her feeding looks great, she is mechanically doing everything as she should for a kid with 4 teeth. Her speech and communication skills... not so good.
I know I should have been prepared. I knew what the lady was going to say before I went to the appointment. Still, the evaluation, any evaluation is a professional holding up the measuring stick and saying your kid should be ^ and instead they are _ here. Maybe I'll get used to it. but right now it stings a bit. Ok deep breath.... Ok so facts: she is on level with a 6 month old. (she is 16 months old btw). The therapist was very nice, she is told me she is going to write up the report and then think about and write out a course of action. Both of which she is going to send me. Here's the kicker. because Chloe is SO far behind she wants to have Chloe come in 3 times a week for a few weeks to see how much progress she can make with her so that she can then better estimate a feasible long range plan. That makes great sense and I would be on that like white on rice... but.... Coventry only pays for 20 visits of speech and occupational therapy COMBINED for the year. And she needs to get occupational therapy to work on her fine motor skills as well as a host of other things. Seeing the progress she has made with her physical therapist I am a true believer in therapy. I was a total skeptic when I went in but seeing her improvement in such a short time... Its really amazing. And incredibly frustrating. The very kind speech therapist told me that once our speech therapy insurance runs out they have a sliding scale payment plan they can put us on. NICE. till I found out how much the minimum payment is. $45 a visit. at 3 times a week that's.... ok you can do the math and it literally makes my head hurt to think about it so....
But this is what I know for sure. Everything belongs to God. He can make a way where I see no way IF that's what He wants to happen. I am trying desperately to allow Him to direct my path and not me and my overly anal control freakish habit of taking control and having 5 contingency plans. So I am going to consciencely sit back and wait on God. ok ok not sit back and do nothing. I am going to do stuff but I am going to try and do them in a way that leaves room for His guidance.
Devora (the therapist) did tell me a few things that were new. One she said that not only is Chloe is behind in development but also in everything. looks, the number of teeth she has, height, everything about Chloe is behind. I don't know why that made me pause but it did. I know that. I can see that, but I felt almost like God was saying remember this for later. I don't know. Anyways, she also said to use sign language for everything and then when speaking to her and communicating with her I should use the hand over hand technique in teaching her the signs. Example: I have a cookie and I know that Chloe wants it. I ask her if she wants a cookie and make the sign for cookie, then I say just cookie while making the sign, then I gently take her hands and make her hands make the cookie sign while I say it again. as soon as "she" finishes making the sign for cookie I praise her like she did it all by herself and then I give her the cookie. Thankfully I have a wonderful friend who knows ASL and is willing to teach the whole family!!!! She's such a really cool awesome lady. The boys are uber excited to learn a "new language" and talk in code. I'm excited because the therapist said it MIGHT reduce the screeching which is just about her only means of communication at this point. I try not to get frustrated at the constant screeching, I know it's her way of talking to us and I try and imagine myself trapped in my body wanting to make myself understood but not being able to. (I think I would just keel over and die like a pigeon after you feed it an alkaseltzer and rice). However the high pitch of it is starting to give me headaches. Praise God she is a happy baby because if she were more demanding.... I would be a share holder in Excedrin.
Also she started doing something she has only done once or twice before. Biting to get attention. I will be holding her talking on the phone (once with an insurance person and twice with the ASL lady) and she will just lean over and bite me. Telling her no gets me a blank look. It's like when she reaches for something that she isn't allowed to touch and you tell her no. there is nothing there. You can tell her no, say it firmly, pop her hand, whatever it has no effect and she doesn't have that look in her eye like "hmmm I wonder how far I can push this???" nope, nothing, nada. So telling her no biting isn't registering with her. Maybe I could cover myself in hot sauce...LOL. Just kidding.
Also, last week we got her fitted for SMO's foot braces. they come just above the ankle and they are to help the position of the feet as well as stopping the leg muscle from rolling over the ankle bone and also her flat footedness. We should be getting a call about when they are ready very soon. maybe tomorrow or Monday. They had to make them especially fitted to her feet so they will not fit anyone else in the whole world. And I got to request a colour or a pattern. I am a plain Jane so I picked a light pink. Nothing fancy or crazy but a little girlieness.
Ok well this post is long and I am getting tired so.... tomorrow I will finish up with the big hurdle. Schooling. and where we stand on that.
Hmmmm I wonder if I could write to Oprah and ask her if I could have a million dollars. You know she wouldn't miss it, she's got billions. just a little old one million. it's probably what she makes in a day in the interest in her bank account. LOL. oh what I could do with that. HA I bet I have a better chance of willing the lottery (and I don't even play hahahaha), plus if I had all the money for Chloe's therapies, equipment, etc. what would I have to blog about???
Anyways, if you're still reading this. Thank you for reading my late night rambling. Your love and prayers and calls and generosity is so appreciated. I know that compared to the world scheme of things my life events are really quiet small, but they are the world to me. So thank you for caring about my world.

Me and A frog in a pot

2011-04-13T00:57:00.000-04:00

Ok so God's really smart. Duh I know but He is. We are on this journey that we really didn't want to be on but instead of throwing us in head first God's been easing us in the pool bit by bit.

Tomorrow Chloe gets fitted for her SMO's foot braces. She also is quickly out growing her walker so her PT (physical therapist) suggested a disablity walker. But after finding out how much the SMO's are going to cost us out of pocket after insurance I'm thinking maybe not.
Thurday or Friday (hopefully) we will hear back from the gentists nurse. At this point I have literally done her job for her, all she has to do is check my work and then call or fax the lab where we get blood drawn and then call me. VIOLA! To think that by Friday we could have the clock ticking on "the wait" would be nice. I also found out that our insurace will pay 100% for all the tests that need to be done. Praise the Lord.

I have been overwhelmed at the generosity of God's people. Just blown away. Someone paid for me to have a membership to the Angelman Syndrome Foundation. I had thought about joining but had decided that I didn't want to jinx myself so I was waiting till we got the results back. God had other plans. But as I opened and looked at all this information I think it really hit me that I may be the mother of a child with special needs. I know that sounds so stupid but as of right now I haven't really thought about. I have kept busy learning all I can about AS and what our next step is and planning for the steps after that. I haven't allowed myself to think about the nitty gritty of what this could mean for us. I still can't say the word mentally retarded out loud. Or epilepsy. I guess that's why the Lord has been acclimating me slowly. I feel much like a frog in a pot of water. The shear enormity and permanence is breathtaking frighting. Made all the more complex with the latest generosity of people. Ok here's the deal. I am realizing that not only will this precious little person need me for the rest of her life but that she relies on me to make the right choices not just for now but for ever. Not only that, but if I screw up now... right now... like within the next few months to a year.... if I screw up now, she could literally be screwed for life. I have thought about that with the boys but with them I realize that there will come a point in time where they will become adults and responsible for their actions, their lives and their care and well being.Chloe might not ever get there. So lets say for the sake of argument she does have AS, and I don't get her in speech fast enough or enough sessions period. She is then delayed on her ability to communicate with me and those around her. She then in turn becomes frustrated and acts out. Because you can't discipline her, she gets to where acting out is the norm. Or if I don't do enough PT then she isn't mobile or she is more ataxic that she could be. See what I mean? Now here's were it gets really tricky. People are giving us money for her medical bills. That's wonderful, and well needed. HOWEVER I now feel like I have this added pressure of being a good steward of this money. For example. people are giving us money for Chloe's medical needs but what if my deepest hearts desire is answered and they do the tests and she doesn't have AS??? that would be GREAT but then do we give the money back? do we apologize for leading them on? Do we apologize for her NOT having AS? Also there is this conference coming up. it's a week long. and it's in Utah, and it's $1,000. BUT it has SO MUCH information!!! Not only would we learn about the latest break through technology, research, and eqipment. We would go into seminars about how it will affect the boys, and our marriage. (which it already has) and most importantly we would meet parents of other AS kids. Did you know that the ASF states that their are currently only about 1,000 AS kids in the whole US. That to me is amazing. Like my pediatrician said, most peds docs go their whole careers without ever seeing a AS child. So to be able to go to this conference would be like a tall glass of ice water. Oh and the kicker, they only hold this conference every two years. So if we wait till we get a definitive answer it could be to late to attend and we will be missing out on two years of utilizing the info we would get. However... would that be a colossal waste of the money that people would be giving us?If I send in this scholarship packet I could possibly get a scholarship that would pay for everything minus the airfare to get there. But the food, conference, and hotel would all be covered. I don't know. OR what happens lets say if I go and get overwhelmed (kinda like at our first home school conference just this is much bigger and more technical) and I freak out and have a panic attack and it causes a brain aneurysm and I keel over and die. Yeah ok that was a bit over dramatic, but do you see how I feel totally out of my element?Or what about if we use the money to buy a new radiator for our van that is (Bless it's little GMC heart) handing on with a prayer. Or if we use the money to fix the floor that is about to fall to the ground. You think I'm joking but if you jump in our living room you would swear you were on a trampoline. Or the million other things that need money that isn't there. Plus how do you know what God wants you to do as apposed to what you think is best. I want to do whats best for Chloe. I want to best the best mom for her and I know that's what God has called me to do, because, well He gave her to me. Grrr. at what point in life do you not feel like a kid inside who is just playing house? I'm 29 and have a 7 year old child and I thought by now I would feel more like an adult. I guess I did for a while but all this is just making me feel like I am a scared little girl that needs permission to move. Ok so this is getting really long and depressing. but I want to say that I am so grateful to all my friends who have listened to hours of me rattle on and on and still pick up the phone when I call..
whew... just writing all this feels like I am a doing the wave all by myself.

Today and what that means

2011-04-05T23:23:00.000-04:00

Today we had Chloe's MRI. Fortunately we got the results back fairly quickly (because Dr. Mozer ROCKS). Her MRI was completely normal!!!! Why the techs acted so oddly I have no idea but it's cool. What does a normal MRI mean in relation to the Angelman situation? Nothing. It doesn't mean that she doesn't have it, but it does mean that she doesn't have something wrong in addition to. If that makes sense. It means that she has a normal looking brain. That's about it, from what I understand. So here is the tentative time line and where we are at so far.
This Saturday we have the EEG. If she has Angelman's then the EEG will show (this is taken from a 2003 Medical Journal): Tomorrow morning (4/6) I will call the geneticist again and hopefully his nurse will have more answers on whether or not our insurance will pay for the Angelman test. If they do pay then we will go to Quest to have her blood drawn ASAP. If they do not pay then I will make more calls to get a price on the test and then we will figure out how to pay for it out of pocket. One way or another we will get the test done. Once we have the blood drawn then the 4-6 week wait clock begins. From there two scenarios will happen A.) The test comes back negative and we talk with the geneticist again and we get her tested for the next thing on the docs list and we will continue with her therapies as normal.... OR B.)It's positive, in which case we do everything we are doing now with the exception of a few things, we will step up the various therapies, we will get her on disability and we will start the process of laying the foundation for her care and well being for the rest of her life. We will start learning sign language and the million other things that she needs us to be one step ahead of her.

The pattern most frequently observed both in children and in adults has prolonged runs of high amplitude
rhythmic 2–3 Hz activity predominantly over the frontal regions with superimposed interictal epileptiform discharges. High amplitude
rhythmic 4–6 Hz activity, prominent in the occipital regions, with spikes, which can be facilitated by eye closure, is often seen in children under the age of 12 years.

Also a slightly new development, her shaking isn't getting better, even though we have been trying to keep her blood sugar level, so today I bought a glucose monitor to see what is going on. Please pray for me. the thought of sticking Chloe and blood kinda makes me nauseous. So please pray that I can do it correctly and I don't faint. yes ok, I get kinda light headed around blood. it's a thing. Anyways we are hoping that by monitoring her blood sugar level it will give us more insight into her shaking.

I hope this answers some of the questions and helps with anyone wondering whats up.

A man and his lover

2011-03-31T23:41:00.000-04:00

He wakes up and she's on his mind, within a hour of placing his feet on the floor, he's walking out to meet her. At the end of every hour he drops everything he's doing to spend fifteen minutes with her. He has left his wife and children in the car waiting so he can steal a few moments with her. He smells of her, tastes of her and if he is impeded from her his temper flares. She is the lover he uses and throws away only to return again and again. When his children ask where he is his wife tells them he's with her. She gives him something his wife never could. He broke up with her and her sister but decided to court her "just on occasion". But the occasions became more frequent. Each time he spent with her, he lingered longer. He meets with her before he kisses his wife goodnight. Who is she? She has no name but she's long and hot, she's Black and Mild.

whats up in my life....very depressing and just blah

2011-03-27T23:29:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. Lots been going on. Mostly due to Chloe. Our little girl is 16 months old. She weighs 15lbs and she is severly behind in every area of life, to give you an idea here is a bullet point list I made for our genetist appointment last Friday (more on that in a moment):

Chloe's symptoms and/or concerns include:
Congenital Miscrocephalus (present since birth)

Failure to Thrive (present since birth)

PAC's

Esotropia

Hypoglycemic

Tremors (ongoing) Physical Therapist said they appear to be attention tremors
but that they are also intermittently over all her body

gross low global tone (ongoing)

planter grasp reflex with curling of toes (noted on 2/04/11)

Toe hallux valgus right is worse than left (noted on 2/04/11)

Peabody Developmental Motor Scale of 32 for stationary (9 months) and locomotion raw score of 38 (7 months) (noted on 2/04/11)

arm flapping (on going)

one word spoken "Mama" used intermittently (never used with eye contact to me her mother)

little outside babbling

first smile one day after birth

first clicking noise 2 weeks after birth

has pulled up twice unassisted, each time she pulls up with her elbows and her upper arms.

army crawls

has started getting on all fours and rocking but unable to get forward motion.(started one week ago) (3/22/11)

When I put all this together in a nice neat little chart I looked up every word in her 150+ page medical records that I did not know the meaning too. I took notes and I became familiar with her whole chart. Upon looking up different words I happened upon a site that mentioned a thing called "Happy Puppet Syndrome" I looked it up out of curiosity, but low and behold I discovered that it fit Chloe as if it had been written about her. Texting my doctor I asked if I was crazy for even thinking this might be it. He didn't think I was. Hoping I was wrong I waited the two days and then on friday morning I brought it up to the genetisit. I despratly wanted him to run the tests to appease me but to say that it was more likely this that or another that wasn't so bad, I mean this is a RARE syndrome. VERY VERY rare, like crazy Mystery Diagnosis rare. And as we ALL know rare only happens to other people right? After looking her over and spending an hour asking me all kinds of questions he said that he didn't want to waste time or money testing things he didn't think it was so he would only test for one thing. Angelman Syndrome. aka Happy Puppet Syndrome. About two hours after walking out of the mans office the enormity of the situation hit me and had it not been for a dear friend I am sure I would have been crushed by it. We are now going to have an MRI and a EEG done along with another Chromosome test. the MRI and EEG (both are to be done with Chloe put to sleep) will be done sometime next week or the week after. I feel that if the EEG comes back abnormal then that is my conformation that it is. I would give anything for this not to be what she has. I want so badly to wake up tomorrow and her to talk and walk and act like any other toddler her age. I want to see her in her pretty pink tu-tu twirling around awkwardly at her first dance recital. I want to hear her tell me about her friends and her hopes and fears. but I know... this is not going to happen. God could heal her, He spoke the world into existance but he wont heal her. I'm not mad at him. I know that he knows more about this whole thing than I do. I know that he is in control and that ultimatly he will be glorified in this. I know this, I don't like it. I don't like that He CAN do something but he won't, but I'm not mad. I'm just sad. So very very very sad. I have cried no stop since Friday. really. I have already gone through two brnad new sets of contacts. I eat because its time to eat not becauce i'm hungry, I go to bed when its time to go to bed but I dont sleep (unless Bobby gives me a nifty pill to hlep me sleep)to say I'm an emotional wreck would a this point be an understatment. Everyone says that I need to wait to get the test results. But see I think of this as my mourning time, and when the results come back it's time to kick it into gear and make the million calls to the medicaid disability office, the social security people. the therepists, the million other people I need to contact to get Chloe the best possible help and all thing things she is going to need, we are going to have to think about education options and long term care options. We are going to need to look into either handicapping our hoome or look into finding the funding to get a house that is larger that can accomidate her and the the equipment she is going to need and the resourses that she is going to need. A bigger house with more handicap features would be nice. Heck a house with a second bathroom and with out mold or structural issues would be nice. but the point is right now I can mourn the loss of the dreams I had for her, the prom and wedding dreams, the ballet and crummy art project dreams, the dream of she and I in our kitchen with little matching aprons making thinksgiving dinner for everyone. The dream of her holding her daughter and letting me kiss my granddaughter The million other little dreams you have that you don't know you have. In an instant all that is gone, and it is replaced with adult diapers, infant toys at 20 and an infants mindset in a ever growing body, Now is my time to lose it because later I will be too busy,Everyone has asked what they can do and I have really had no idea, I;m really not thinking all that clearly. but I have thought of some things and just not had the gumption to really say what is it that I need, but here on my blog in my own little world, here where I am convinced no one will ever read I can tell you. because you aren't real. I need prayer... lots and lots of prayer. Mostly Prayer that either she will be healed or that she doesn't even have it. I need you to look up what Angelman is yourself because for me to tell you is hearbreaking and for you not to know is heartbreaking. I need my house cleaned and I need my laundry done. I was behind in housework before being a homeschool mom of three littleer ones but now... yeah it's bad... I mean like the begining stages of hoarders bad. A clean house always makes me feel better and it lifts my spirits but right now I can't. And prayer, I can't get enough prayer. WOW I sound pathetic. but yeah that's about how it goes. I have never been so low. So that is why I haven't been blogging. Just in case you wondered

Radical Together by David Platt a small review

2011-03-10T09:48:00.000-05:00

I read David Platts book Radical Together yesterday. I will admit that it consumed me and I couldn't put it down once I picked it up. Ok not really true, I'm a homeschooling mom with a 1 year old. I did put it down, but I did neglect some things I had planned to do yesterday so I could read. Anyways. I just want to say that I didn't read his first book Radical, and I wasn't planning to read this one but it was laying around and I wanted to see what it was about. Glad I did.
Ok so in the book Platt talks about our purpose in life as a believers. It's not about getting a bigger church building or about adding more programs, it's about making disciples and bringing the Gospel to the unreached people groups in the world. That's it.
Here was one of my favorite snippets in the book.

Consider: If I take the next three years of my life and do what Jesus did with twelve other men, then three years from now I and twelve other guys will be a small band of men who are making disciples. If we do the same thing with twelve other guys in the following three years, then we will be an army of 144 men who are making disciples. If I continue to build faithful men like this who are building other faithful men in their lives, then within twenty years, the potential exists for an army of more than three million men who are making disciples of all the nations!

he admits that some will say that some of those men will not follow through, but even if 1/3 of them followed through, WOW! And since it's the Great Commission, and the Biblical model of the great commission, It can't fail.
He talks about how God exalts God. and the more people that are saved the more people there are to exalt God. In fact it says that when all the people groups of the earth are brought the Gospel then Jesus will return. So the Great Commission was an order for us to work towards the return of Christ. But to do that our lives will need to be radical and we need to work together.
I really liked this book. I really inspired me to think differently about my life and the world around me. I want to be around other believers that have this same fire and same passion for Christ. The things that his church and the churches that he talks about in the book are so inspiring. One church got together and as a group they fostered or adopted every child the Department of Human Resources had in the county. One church moved out of their rented building to save $5,000 a month, they now meet in a parking lot outside every Sunday and use the money to go on short term mission trips, and several members have decided to become full time missionaries because of that. Just think of all the people that they are impacting all over the world!
I really liked this little book. I know that this book doesn't go on sale until April 19th, but I would encourage you to go out and preorder it today. Its that good.

Rob Bell vs Westboro

2011-03-03T09:37:00.000-05:00

[29 ] I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; [30 ] and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. Acts 20:29-30

Recent events have really ticked me off. Here's the deal. A few days ago certain circles were all abuzz because of Rob Bell's new book. People were up in arms about what he did, didn't, and vaguely said. I can't tell you the specifics of it all because quiet frankly I don't care. Then something was in the news that I do care about very much. Westboro Baptist Church was in the news again. While they are upsetting in and of their selves, they are not who I am most upset at. I am really upset with real Christians. Especially the big hitters of our faith. You know them, especially in the reformed circles, John Piper, Mark Driscoll, John MacArthur, Sproul, Ravi Zacharias. The men with a public voice, with public outlets. WHERE ARE THESE MEN? Probably reading poetry, writing sex books and slaying sin (so long as the sin doesn't require actual slaying).
Westboro Baptist is not christian, they are not believers. They claim to be our brothers and sisters in Christ yet they are wolves. And not like Joel Osteen kind of a wolf. Joels danger is that he is lulling thousands of Christians away from the true faith with his smiley feel goodism. He is actually the extreme opposite of Westboro. While he is full of lovey dovey huggy doctrine, Westboro is full of rage, anger, hell and damnation doctrine. Neither talk of grace or Jesus' redemptive power of the cross. Both are wolves. But Westboro is the most vile form of a wolf that we have in the flock right now. Not only do they have a congregation filled with members spewing this hatred and evil garbage but they have captured the attention of the nation, maybe even the world. They have believers and unbelievers looking at them in disgust, shaking their heads but so far the courts have not silenced them and they continue.When unbelievers see them they see the name Baptist, and Church attached to their actions. WHERE ARE THE MEN? Every time these people make the news, the real Baptists the real Christians should be on the news too; on the blogs, on facebook, on Twitter, on the Today show talking about how these people are NOT our brothers and sisters. They are not true Christians. We are representives of Christ. When we accept Him as Lord and Saviour, He comes and dwells within us. We are to defend the Gospel, to fight the good fight. WHY are we not fighting? Why are we not up in arms about THIS?? Why aren't true Christians there wherever the Westboro people are, shouting from the top of their lungs, THESE ARE NOT CHRISTIANS!!!! When the Westboro group pickets a funeral, real Christians should be there, not picketing, but serving, trying to shield the family from these people, serving at the wake, bringing food, cleaning up, loving these hurt people. Showing the family true faith, true Christianity.
Have true Christians become so lazy, so sluggish, so cowardly that we are willing to turn a blind eye at Westboro? Or do we think that the Gospel, that Christ Himself, isn't worth defending.

What would you give up?

2011-02-23T10:20:00.001-05:00

I was listening to the radio the other day and they did a survey that asked women: What would be willing to give up to be skinnier? and they gave different options. What struck me was that the top choice women would give up was intimacy.At first I was shocked but then I really started thinking about what my answer would be. Last year I lost a lot of weight. I went down about 7 dress sizes. I did it with the help of my doctors and this amazing little white pill. I stuck to a diet and tried to exercise. I feel like I have lived both sides of this question. I was fat and now, not so much. That said I don't think I could give up intimacy but I would be willing to give up a lot to be skinny. When I was fat I was sluggish, I had low self esteem, I didn't want to be intimate with my husband and I was sicker. Now that I've lost the weight I have more energy, I feel better about myself and I have a happier life all around. Is that vain? maybe, but its the truth.
So, what would you give up to be skinny? For me, I'd give up a gallbladder.

A short story

2011-02-23T10:04:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time there were two wood cutters. They led similar lives and both had a deep love for both God and their families. They both worked for sunrise to sunset and both avid readers. The first man came home every evening and kissed his wife and hugged his children and then would spend the rest of the evening reading. He read all of the great dead theologians and he read all of the great living theologians. He read books on the topics of the theology and he read the Bible.He read every day, every spare moment of every day until he could keep his eyes open no longer. When he would go into the nearby town he would strike up conversations about the latest deeply resounding thought he had been pondering. His vocabulary was astonishing and many marveled at the man.
Similarly in the next town over the other wood cutter loved to read. He read Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes. He loved his Bible too. He would pour over the pages each time begging God to give him greater insight. But each night at precisely the same time, he would put all his books away save the Bible and he would gather his family around the fire and they would read a verse or two and then talk about it. He would then carry each child to bed individually and spend a few moments alone with each child, praying with them and talking to them about anything their heart desired. The ritual took hours because he had 11 children, and once he was done he would talk to his wife and pray with her. Each night the moon was high in the night sky before the woodcutter would crawl into bed. When he would go into the nearby town he would head to the local pub and strike up conversation with anyone about anything. He was a simple man with a simple vocabulary and many marveled at his simplicity.

While thinking about what to blog about next, this story popped in my mind. I could see it in my head like a movie. Why? I have no idea, but I thought that or whatever reason it popped into my head it might make an interesting blog post.

1 Corinthians 1:27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;

I got bit last night

2011-02-01T11:49:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to the first ever Garden City Town Hall meeting. I was mesmerized. Ok and a little bored at first. No lie they had this man who is a long winded pastor and the head of the Garden City Homestead Association go on and on and on about how he would like Council to give him funds yada yada yada.(aint't gonna happen).... ok then it got good. They opened the floor for people to air their grievances and to talk about (mostly that they wanted the GC government to give them a handout) what was most dear to their hearts. I saw the council and the city manager working together to resolve these peoples issues. They shared and mirrored my love for the city and it's residents, Even the dude who wanted us to start paying property tax so that we could offer programs to help him fix up his house (makes NO sense I know).
Last night cemented my burning desire to run for city council. I will blog all the way about whats going on and give you an insiders view of a novice's journey into the government. I probably will only make it as far as the door, but either way it will be a memory.
If you know of any reading material to help me learn more about the campaign process, or would like to help in the way of volunteering or donations please let me know... or if you just have platform advice. I'll take all the help I can get.

Snub your mom

2011-01-20T00:56:00.001-05:00

Ok so I was watching this really cool show Storage Wars, and this commercial came on. Usually I tune out commercials but the whole thing for some reason caught my attention. it was for a video game (insert eye roll and deep sigh here) but the whole commercial was watching these older ladies watch the game being played and catching their repulsion at the game. Then the website link is something like your mother will hate this .com
REALLY! I'm not making this up. The whole thing was banking on getting people to buy this because your mother wont like it. Ok so just so we're clear on this... Your mother is the lady that carried you around in her body, got stretch marks, puked, and got her whole body whacked out, then went through HOURS of pain pushing you out of said body (which never goes back to the same shape it was before) then she got up ever 3 hours or so (the equivalent of torture)feeding you and wiping up your poop and spit up. This is the lady you are going to make a purchase and then spend hours playing just to piss her off? REALLY?
What does the Bible say about this?

Proverbs 15:20 A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother.

Proverbs 19:26 He who does violence to his father and chases away his mother is a son who brings shame and reproach.

Proverbs 20:20 If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.

Proverbs 30:17 The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.

That is pretty tough, but dude that's your momma. Maybe I am taking this commercial a little too personally being a mom. Especially a mom with boys that I know will play video games. What if this was against black people? and the website link was black people will hate this .com? Or what if it was against teachers? there would be groups all over this raising a racket over all this. But a website against mothers... and not one person says something? Why the heck is that? Where are the moms that say NOT COOL? Here I guess. Do you really want to be eaten by vultures? That's not a cool way to go. It's not like getting eaten by a shark or Trampled on by a pack of NFL players. And why would you want to hurt your mom? Ok rant over. Now I want to watch the commercial again and get the website so I can write them and complain, I'll let you know how it goes.

"Extreme" Disappointment

2011-01-17T16:30:00.001-05:00

Extreme Makeover Savannah Episode

So in case you missed it here was the show that was aired last night that my wonderful husband helped on. We hosted an "extreme" party and had about 13 people all crowded around to watch the show. It was "Extremely" disappointing to say the least. The Simpson family had a once in a life time opportunity to proclaim the gospel to the nation, or at the very least give God all the glory. Now I am sure that the Simpson family is very nice. But what the heck happened???? Not ONE mention Jesus, God, Providence. Grace, NOTHING!!!!! Now I am very sure that ABC, having all editorial rights is not without blame here. But knowing that, you would think that Joe (the father) would have been very aware of that fact and made every attempt to mention Christ very time he opened his mouth. I mean think about it, if he had done that, ABC would have been forced to either A.) Edit Joe (the father) out of the episode all together. OR B.) allow Christ's mention in at least some of the show. Talk about missed opportunities. Think about what a chance this was to proclaim the Gospel, think about what a witness this family could have been to the crew and to all of America. What is man's whole reason for being here on Earth? is it to get a super cool house? to help our friends and neighbors, to help the community? HECK NO! it's to Glorify Christ. To give HIM all the Glory. Not Ty, not Paula Deen, not the cast and crew, or the volunteers, or the sponsors.... Jesus Christ. Point. Blank. Period.
It's hard to give God glory and honor and praise in the hard times, in the scary times. I know, it takes reminding and effort. LOTS of effort. But it's easy to give God the glory in times like this, the good times. Even unbelievers will shout out OMG! or Thank you God! Or it SHOULD be easy. How much more of a thankful heart should we expect from a believer??? Out of a mans heart come the words of his mouth. Hmmmm.....Welcome Home Simpson Family. Sola Deo Gloria

A thought about thoughts

2011-01-09T14:48:00.001-05:00

When asked what the greatest commandment was the Lord said to Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, strength and mind. It also says that we are to take every thought captive, it also says the Lord knows our thoughts. Ok so who do our thoughts belong to? Are they ours alone? I mean the Lord knows them but He doesn't put thoughts in our mind. But have you ever had a thought that you were like "dude, where did that come from?" I have. Thoughts that I would never think. So where do those thoughts come from? We are to take every thought captive, which would mean that they are their own and that we are to catch them and hold onto them and make them our own. So who's were they before? Also if we are commanded to love the Lord with all of our mind but we only use 10% how can we do that?
Ok so where is all this coming from? Follow my noodle brain for a moment.
So the other day I was thinking about how it's been said that playing with Ouija can open a door and that it can allow for demon possession. If that's true, then could it also be be plausible that if you go see a movie based on true events of demon possession that it could open the same doors? I'm not saying either way, I'm just thinking "out loud". That got me thinking about how our minds are susceptible to spiritual forces. THEN, I was watching tv and a commercial came on for some Rx medicine. One of the disclaimers said that it could cause suicidal thoughts. That got me thinking about medicine effecting our thougths and how they get there. Whew! with me so far? Probably not but thar's ok. Here's kinda how it all ties together. Lets say an unsaved person goes to see The Last Exorcism movie. and that some how allows a demon to posses them. (all this is theoretical, but if its possible think about how great of a tool it would be for Satan, I mean you fill a theater with 50 peopl,e 4 times a day for 3 weeks that's A LOT of people that you are affecting) then they get put on medicine that can make them think suicidal thoughts. Is it the medicine that is putting the thoughts in the persons head? is it the demon? or is it just the person and their own predisposed disposition?
At the very least it should raise eyebrows that there are medicines out there that can put negative thoughts in our head. Shouldn't it? I mean, if people can make a pill that can do that, what other pills can put other kinds of thoughts in our head? And why don't the pills ever put good thoughts in our head?
OK so this post has more questions than an SAT test but this is just what I'm thinking. Maybe it's the Tylenol I took.

Three Goals for 2011

2010-12-28T02:28:00.000-05:00

I have some lofty goals for 2011. I'm usually busy but this year may prove to be the busiest. Here are my thoughts. I know that I want to open a small shop in the new Garden City City Hall complex that is not yet built. I want to open a small shop for a few reasons. I can't keep up with all the fudge orders by myself anymore. If I want to help more people with my fudge it needs to turn more of a profit. I really believe that one way to helping my local community is by opening a cute eye catching shop. Also on a more personal agenda, my son Isaac is uber smart. I mean like loads of potential, I want to give him the very best in education and experience. Hence the reason we home school. But you don't get any government assistance for HSing, you still have to pay the public educational system and your own curriculum and on one income it's limiting him. I don't want to be the cause of that. He has THAT much potential. So I want to open a new shop.
I also want to run for city council starting in June. I know, I have no experience, I am a young stay at home mom with nothing to offer right? Maybe, Maybe not. I love our little city. I love my neighbors. I love that our city is small yet has a HUGE impact (with the help of the ports) on our state. I feel I am a smart, level headed godly woman who is honest and passionate. I am a quick study and I come with a view point all my own. I really feel lie I could do our city a lot of good, especially with connecting the younger generation to the politics of the city. When a young unlikely candidate steps up to the plate in the political arena people get interested. and hopefully they'll vote ;)
To help with both those goals I am looking into online courses to get my Bachelor of Science in Business concentrating on small business management and entrepreneurship. THIS is the most daunting of the three. I haven't been to school in a long while (unless you count teaching and then it's every day!) and I stick at math. I mean really really stink. So the Accounting bit made me want to give up right then and there but I think that with Bobby's help (a LOT of Bobby's help) I might be able to at least fake it.

ohhhh listen, I can already hear the nay sayers already.
But Jessica, you're so busy now how on earth are you going to do all that too??
Well, for one the Bible says a little sleep and a little slumber is good for a man (or girlie)
and it also says that with God ALL things are possible. Plus it's not like the schooling will last forever, and it's not like the City Council seat will last forever. It's just a a page, a chapter in the book. and the Ends ( a little shop all my own that employs moms, and ex felons.and funds an adoption or two; a stint in the White house(just kidding on that one) a lasting impact on our community, and the very best education for my children) have got to justify the Means (piles of laundry here and there, tears, caffeine, take out more often than I'd like to admit, caffeine, and tears)
Speaking of busy it's almost 2:30 am. I have got to sleep some time.So ta-ta.
Question, what's the craziest out of the box thing ( like running for city council) that you've ever done?

The Rest of the Story.......

2010-12-27T00:46:00.000-05:00

So the rest of the story as it turns out should be entitled "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, Fool me again and I'll shoot you in the knee cap."

Oh Jessica you are so harsh. Yeah but you don't know the whole story.
SO.... when I left you last time our homeless man (we'll call him Clark) and his family were going to come over for dinner. well Clark did but his family was a no show, He said that they had a previous engagement. So we got to know Clark and we feed him and loaded him down with groceries (two days after we had given him groceries at the store)and a little bit of money and took him home. Over the next week or so Clark became a near permanent fixture around our home, always needing money and never with his family. then the next Sunday he comes with two of his children and a nephew to our home fellowship. I had a good time and the children seemed to enjoy themselves. at the end Clark told us how well the kids were doing in school and how he had planned on taking them to the bowling alley and out for pizza that day, we were rushing off to my cousins house so it seemed to me that everyone had plans. Then he pulled bobby aside and asked for the money to do the things he had promised. That made me mad, especially when he raided my fridge and pantry looking for snacks and liquor.(it's then I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach). Two days later he calls while we are out looking for a Christmas tree. He is frantic because his infant was at the hospital and had bronchial asthma and needed medicine that night. he needed $60. We didn't have it. We did have albuteral and a nebulizer that we use with Isaac. He declines but says he has to have the money for the meds or his wife won't let him come home. Sorry we say, we literally have spent all our savings on him. we are pulling from our food budget to get a Christmas tree (yes it's that important).
The next day our neighbor three doors down comes over and says that Clark had come to him and he had given him the money. (the feeling got a little stronger). the Next Sunday finds us again having fellowship at our house. Clark comes sans kids this time (still haven't meet wife) and he sleeps through fellowship. then our three doors down neighbor brings over lights and the men all hang lights until it's time to go to the little church across the street's Christmas play. Clark comes and sleeps all through it. but is wide awake for the reception dinner that follows. He then meets with the pastor (unbeknowkst of us) and asks the pastor to set up an offering for his kids for Christmas. the pastor kindly refuses saying that they have a lot that they are doing for other families and that it isn't do able right then. But gives Clark bags and bags of groceries, some money and a ride home. A few nights later he comes to the pastors house (how he figured out his home I do not know) after dark and asks for money for medicine. It seems the baby is sick and need a Rx and his wife won't let him go home until he has the money for it. The pastor says he will pick him up in the am and get the Rx but Clark says thanks for offer but I don't trust people, can I just have the money. Pastor forks over $60. hmmmm. I don't know anything about this until,
One day Bobby comes home with Clark. He says he has a side job to do at a friend of ours house. this particular friend is very affluent and as soon as I heard that he was going to take Clark with him I was immediately alarmed. I asked him not to take him and he said ok. instead he left Clark with me. He had him move some wood. Clark dutifully moved the wood and it took about 10 min. Then he stood around smoking cigs and talking on his cell phone. Finally I asked if he would do the dishes. 15 mins later he was done. He had called Bobbys cell phone 5 times already wanting to know when he was coming home. Finally I told him it would be about 2 more hours. At this he was highly agitated and asked me to take him to where his son was. To make a long story a little shorter I ended up taking him to a bad neighborhood with two of my children in the car. so he could run up to his apartment to "grab his phone charger" and then I took him to a rundown motel where a woman (not his wife) waited in the doorway for him. hmmmm. The feeling was even stronger and I was furious. In fact I had been in similar situations numerous times and it felt just like I had taken this man to pick up drugs and then to see a hooker. When I told Bobby all this (very loudly) I told him I never wanted to see him again and that he was playing us for a fool. Bobby defended him. then went and talked to him. by now I had talked to the pastor and found out that Clark had called his cell phone no less than 20 times a day since meeting him. And when the pastors car broke down and he was no longer able to give Clark money, Clark got indignant and mad. From that moment on I knew we were going to have trouble. when we tell him that we will no longer help him he'll turn. I've seen it happen before and I read the newspaper. Again Bobby defended him and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. See when a man won't defend and protect his family his wife has to. And as Kipling as aptly put it, The Female of the species is more deadly than the male. So Bobby talked to Clark and got his "story" upon taking him home he meet the lady hes staying with (not the wife) her two kids and his two kids (baby and wife are in Atlanta) and they didn't have a Christmas tree or presents. That pulled at Bobby's heart strings. So he and I got a tree and presents for the kids. but I told Bobby. I will shoot the man in the knee cap if he comes around here. Then the 22nd. my next door neighbor came by. He said that Clark had come by two or three nights before after dark, when we weren't home and had asked for money for a Rx for his infant. He needed $60, his wife wouldn't let him come home till he had it. hmmmm..... I called Bobby at work and he talked to Clark. Again, Clark had a good excuse and Bobby believed him again. I however do not. I'm now afraid for the safety of my children but I feel alone in that fear; and that is a dangerous place to be, for him. Bobby is a good man who is very smart, keenly so. He is a godly man and my best friend. Clark is now an issue we don't discuss. What will happen now is any one's guess .But that, friends, is the rest of the story.

Ladies.....

2010-12-26T23:58:00.000-05:00

ok have you ever wished that God made us like those dolls you see at walmart? you know the ones where when you squeeze them really hard the eyeballs pop out... you know what I'm talking about?
Only when you squeezed our tummies in our boobs popped out. a win win right? Yeah yeah yeah I know God made us perfect, He loves us no matter what, it's what's on the inside that counts yada yada yada....I'm just saying.

Shocking Thought for the Day:

2010-12-22T09:39:00.000-05:00

today seven years ago was my last childless day on earth. Inside of me was a baby boy who would change my life forever, and we named him Isaac.

Do you remember the day before Isaacs birth? What were you doing? Did you know me then?
What about the Night Before your first child was born? What was it like? How did your life change?

Shocking thought for the day

2010-12-21T23:29:00.000-05:00

Just a disclaimer: I love wine. I especially like Moscato wine
Anywho....

Shocking Thought for the Day:
If they were to legalize pot and criminalize alcohol, the Chatham County jails would not be over crowded.
Just saying....

I come to this conclusion after scrolling down the list of the 72 hour bookings on the chatham county jail website.You should look one day when you get a chance... it's eye opening

The Nativity and a Cross Dressing Wise Guy

2010-12-21T16:49:00.001-05:00

So in my spare time I organized a community live nativity scene in our front yard. There were several reasons for doing this, 1.)I wanted to show the boys the real meaning of Christmas and what better way to teach than to act it out? 2.) I wanted them to have the memories like I had when I was a kid and was involved in the annual church Christmas play. Since we home church I had to do my own. 3.) I wanted a chance to involve my neighbors in something more than a cup of sugar. 4.) I wanted to proclaim the amazing "GOOD NEWS" of the Nativity.
So I talked my neighbors into helping out, then I asked for donations of costumes, God constantly amazed me.see, I had this conversation with "God, that went something like this "God people we know are Christians and anti Christmas. but I love Christmas, but I love you more. So if you find glory in Christmas than please bless this endeavor. if not then I will totally take this as my sign and I will cease and desist all Christmas stuff."
yeah ok not a flowery fluffy prayer but it's just me and God and he knows my heart anyways so why front? anyways.
then I would pray "God I need a stable"
poof a man gave me a stable. I am not kidding or making this up. he made it for his churches Christmas play, it was an attic and it was just perfect for a stable.
then I prayed "God I need costumes"
poof, I had exactly the right number of costumes lent to me. and these were NICE costumes.
then I prayed "God I need an angel"
I kid you not at TEN MINUTES TILL SEVEN a little girl I had never laid eyes on in my life walked in and let me put an angel costume on her.
IT was amazing!!!!!!!
So we put on the nativity scene. I gave out the parts and I was just going to be a shepherd in the background, but as Murphy would have it a wise man got the flu and couldn't make it. No problem, I donned on the costume and used eyeliner and penciled me in a beard. no biggy right? no one will notice right? I mean people are just going to be driving by, slowing down and watching right? WRONG!
the news came out.
Now keep in mind the whole time I am praying that God will be glorified and Jesus's birth will be honored by our humble little Nativity Scene.
So the guy takes some footage of the scene, the shepherds and angel, Mary and Joseph and the Baby Jesus. the three wise men.
then it happens....
He asks who's idea it was and if he can get an interview with the person responsible. EVERYONE points to me. After MUCH persuasion and VERY grudgingly I gave an interview. I tried very hard to give God the glory, but that's really hard when you have a eyeliner beard.
Why God had it happen that way I will never know. I mean I couldn't have brought Him less Glory if I tried. He should have had a great orator talk about the Baby born to save us of our sin. Instead He got a babbling cross dressing wise guy. OY VEY! All II wanted to do was bring Him glory and instead I made a mockery of the whole thing. but on a side note, Chloe was the cutest Baby Jesus in the world!!!!!! She even offered her "holy O's" (cheerios) to the Angel of the Lord. What a sweetie!!!!!

a rant about straight lines

2010-12-15T01:07:00.000-05:00

Have you ever made two lines side by side on a piece of paper? one free hand and one with a ruler. both lines can look the same but when you line the ruler up to the freehand line it will most certainly NOT be straight. it may be going in the same direction and it may LOOK straight but when compared to an immovable perfectly straight ruler it will come up lacking. Will it get you to point B? Probably. Is it perfect? Probably not.
So?
This is the point. when we point to the Bible and say : This is why we home church...." People always say, well 2000 years of church history can't be wrong.

uh yeah. maybe

You see, maybe I just have no patience when it comes to people who disagree with me, maybe it's because I'm a ich with a capital B.... I don't know, but it seems to me like in the whole scheme of things Satan has one goal, One and only one goal and that is to divert glory away from God. If that is his only goal in life then doesn't it seem plausible that he has used the sinful actions of men, over the years, to slowly take glory and focus off of God. not in a huge way like the Holocaust did or when a man murders a person for the "hell of it" but in a subtle sneaky, quiet way. A way that seems right to a man, but in the end leads to deatjh. If we are to believe that wide is the road that leads to hell and we look around and there are a million little churches all across the country and they are all set up the same and they all have approximately the same style and format of worship. doesn't that cause you to go hmmmm. and at least take a pause to reevaluate things????? then in the same verse it says that narrow and hard is the road and few travel on in...and you are sitting in a church within a denomination that is hundreds, if not thousands of members strong.... doesn't that make you pause and go hmmm????? Why can you not humble yourself and say God, dude, I DON'T have all the answers and I just want to be where you want me to be, no matter what that looks like, even it it means I'm all by myself wearing a purple chicken suit in the middle of wriggly field," and really really REALLY mean it. It;s sooo hard to do what you feel God has called you to do, to be the odd one.To have your friends and family say "what? you aren't going to church anymore? you're going to sit at home? who does that?" to be sneerrd at and defriended on Facebook. I was in the middle of a conversation with a guy two days ago, I was a member of his church a year ago. He asked how I was, good I said, asked about his wife and kid, good he said, then he asked if I went to the church across the street from my house, no I said, we're just friends with the pastor and his son. we actually house church.....screetching tires then, dead silence.... dead....I think I even heard a facebook cricket, I saw a dry tumbleweed blew in from farmville. WOW. harsh dude.

Anyways back to the post.
I'm not saying that if you go and sit in a church building every Sunday that you're wrong and I'm right. I just think that it's an issue every christian should pray about and then whatever God tells them to do they should do that. Point blank. if you feel God has told you to stay in a church that has a paid professional preacher at a pulpit every Sunday and you leave to house church I believe you would be in sin. if you feel God has called you to come out of that and into a house church and you stay where you are, you are in sin as well. But to say that people who house church are equal to Mormons or J. witness. that's just mean. But it's all good. I mean we're all grown ups right?

So, to kinda, I guess, wrap up the whole post. Satan is tricky right? he uses lost of means to distract God's people from giving God glory. The most enticing of which is power. isn't that what he tempted Eve with? Knowledge is power. the knowledge of good and evil, THAT is some powerful stuff and just like that she was in sin. He used mostly truths, with a smidgen of lies and that is all it took to distort the whole view of perfection. So sad. Are we going to say that in 2000 years of church history that has NEVER happened? That THOSE men, ALL of those men were perfectly straight and never even the least bit off???

See the funny thing about a straight line is, if you get off course by even a fraction of a hair, and you never look back and correct, one day you'll look up and find you are MILES off course. The straight line is HARD,,,, it's difficult and lonely and only one person ever drew it perfectly. And he drew it in sand.

Movie Review: Eat, Pray, Love

2010-12-11T23:34:00.000-05:00

Ok so I thought I would like this movie more than I did. ok so Julia Roberts (I love her) is in a marriage with a guy who is a total childish dork, she divorces him when she meets this much younger cute guy ( the younger bad guy on Spider man) but then realizes that she's living for men and not for herself so she convinces her best friend who her publicist to let her go live for a year abroad to find herself. She lives in Italy, Dubai, and Bali, and in Italy she learns that she's ok with herself and her body and that she loves herself no matter what, in Dubai she learns that god is in her and is her, she is god. (insert eye roll here) and in Bali she learns that no matter what you need family love. then she comes back to America and realizes that she can't live without the dude that almost ran her over in Bali and so she goes back to him and they sail off together into the sunset.

What I liked about the movie:
It was neat see a woman go off on an adventure like that all by herself and I found myself living vicariously though her.
It had Julia Roberts in it.
Best part of the movie
Julia Roberts says: I'm so sick of everyone telling me I need a husband. I don't need a husband.
Guy says: You don't need a husband, you need a Champion.

What I didn't like about the movie:
idol worship all though the movie. I mean like hard core she would buy little gold idols, she prayed to idols, she worshiped idols all though the movie. it was a central part of the movie.
she said that she was god.
it had a cheesy ending... they sailed into the sunset

on a scale from 1 to 10 I'd give it a solid 3

The Goldilocks Complex

2010-12-11T23:15:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like you don't fit in? Like you are to conservative for your "secular" friends and to secular for your "christian" friends?
I do.
All the time. I hate posers. I want to be me. But at 28 who the heck am I? I have no idea. I know I'm a wife and mother. I love Jesus; not because it's a bumper or a sappy experience, but because I can feel Him. I love Him. and oddly enough He loves me. I love reading and debating the Scriptures. I love helping people. I love organizing events.
I also love MMA, I like long island ice teas, I say Crap (a lot) I don't do laundry, no literally, I mean I get caught up in life, homeschooling, the kids, facebook, cooking, tiding the house which is Grand Central Station for the clutter fairies. and I over book myself WAY to much. I think that my blood only pumps when it's being chased by pure adrenaline. We celebrate Christmas, Easter, Halloween, 4th of July, New Years, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Jessica Day, Our Anniversary, Our Get Together Anniversary. Wait, what? you don't celebrate Jessica Day? you should! (totally kidding on that one) We have let our kids watch some PG 13 movies even though they are 5 and 6. and they watch Sponge bob. I have my favorite shows: Greys Anatomy, and Castle. And I enjoy a good cigar on occasion.
Singularly they aren't that bad. But put all together you have a rebel, you have someone who is to conservative and to secular to fit in anywhere.
Then I wonder, I wonder (and this is probably sacrilegious to even type) I wonder if Jesus ever felt this way. I mean think about it, to non Jews he was a Jew, to the Jews he was a heretic. I mean he was circumcised and kept all the feasts but he went around healing people, casting out demons, forgiving sins, he claimed he was God's own Son. I mean he was totally too secular but to a non Jew he was totally too conservative.,
So what does that mean for me?
I have no idea but I have a husband that gets me and a small circle of friends that get me and maybe that's good enough.... Ever felt that way?

Busy, busy, busy

2010-12-01T00:38:00.000-05:00

Just in case you're wondering, or even interested, here is what is going on with me lately.(in no particular order) Today is my daughters first birthday!!!!! I started a fudge business, I am thinking about running for either mayor or just on the city council in November, I am organizing a neighborhood live nativity scene on the 18th (more on that later) we are going on a field trip on Monday out of town, I am organizing the ladies retreat in February, my son turns 7 on the 23rd. and I'm helping my little sister plan a wedding. So if you ever look at my blog and wonder "where the heck is that girl?" pick one and you'll probably find me doing something with that.

a dinner time quandry

2010-12-01T00:02:00.000-05:00

ok, so you might have gathered from reading my other blog posts that I really try and write the way that I think, speak, am, in real life, I try really hard to be a "what you see is what you get" kinda girl, That said we have been blessed with the ability to make friends with lots of different "classes" of people, Doctors, students, pastors, rappers,blue collar, white collar, no collar, you name it we've invited them over for dinner. And they come, oh yeah, not to brag but I can cook. Anyways, I think that as a christian woman we are called to be good hostesses and I really strive to do that to the best of my ability, Then tonight happened.
       As a quick recap.....Bobby meet a man a few days ago who needed some change, after getting to know the man for a few minutes, Bobby was struck by the mans life story and decided that we should get involved in his life, Anyone who knows me, knows that that's right up my alley so I was excited to help him, his wife and three kids, the thing is, their homeless. They are staying with family for a minute but it's by no means a permante thing and he is desperately searching for work.
Back to the point of the post, So I began to do what I always do when we have dinner guests and that is to go around the house and clean like a bumblebee, trying to see the house the way a person who has never been here before would see it (that is very depressing btw I don't recommend doing that). As I did my usual of cleaning and scrubbing every thing down and telling the kids to clean their room for the millionth time I was suddenly stuck by a thought that stopped me dead in my tracks. I am trying so hard to make the house clean so that the family feels like honored guests in my home, but what if, instead of feeling honored, they feel like I'm showing off? Don't get me wrong, most of everything we own was either given to us or you can buy yourself at wally world, and the clutter fairy's national headquarters in my master bedroom. (you think I'm joking) but still, God has blessed us with awesome gifts.What if I made them feel awkward instead of honored? So then I was stuck. I mean you can't exactly tell the family, "hey feel honored, I want you to feel special" or "Hey I go this OCD for every dinner guest we have over" or "We heart homeless people" but then again they were coming over in less than 4 hours when I had this conflicting head argument. I really didn't have time to shove everything nice we owned into the attic. Nor do I think that I could have played off the surprised deer caught in the headlights look I was sure to get by Bobby if he brought the family over just to walk into a house where it looked like a scene from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
            Paul said he became like all men to witness to all men. I get that. Back when I was a teen and I invited friends to a brick and mortar church, if they were grunge I would wear grunge that Sunday, if the girl only had jeans and a nice shirt, I would wear jeans and a nice shirt, I would dress candy if I had a candy kid come with me, (If I lost you at this point you may google candy kid after you finish reading this post and I won't think any less of you), anyways you get the picture. not to put on a front but to help them not feel like they were going to stand out in a crowd, because I don't care. I'll look like a freak, idiot, or whatever if it makes you more comfortable. But how do you do that when God has given soo much to me and my household?? How do you offer hospitality without looking like a showoff?
     Post your comments about what you would have done or what I shoulda done, and I'll write a follow up post later on.... the rest of the story......

Parenting... a tag team sport

2010-11-15T00:44:00.000-05:00

Parenting is a tag team sport. I am more convinced of that this week than ever. We have three small children. (6,5, and 11.5 months) We have been helping my sister in law and her boyfriend out by watching their two children in the evenings while they work, I have a fledgling fudge business, then a friends mother passed and I have been watching their small son while they make arrangements. Meanwhile Bobby is working crazy hours for this house that is being featured on Extreme Makeover Home Edition. On top of all of this, just to make life fun, Bobby wasn't feeling well today so when he wasn't working or sleeping he was laying on the couch looking pitiful. Then it happened. I should have seen it coming. All the signs were there. I'm a mom for goodness sakes. I've been down this road more times that I can count. I babysit kids who have a yucky cough and a runny nose and what happens? I now have a baby with a fever, runny nose, and what sounds to be a sore throat.
Normally this would stress me out and then I would tag Bobby. We have been doing this since the day Isaac was born. I go go go till I can't go any more than I tag him in and he is strong and does the job while I rest. This system has worked with our "deal" (I clean up poopy diapers, he handles all throw up), with migraines, heart surgeries, kids hospital stays, even when Chloe was in the NICU for a week. When I couldn't take it, he jumped in. The nurses said that's never happened before, a father staying alone over night with a preemie. Being able to fully count on him is such a blessing. I can not even tell you how much.
Now he's sick and gone, the baby is sick and I have more fudge orders than I can shake a stick at. Plus I've run out of containers. My back aches and I can't get to the bottom of the clothes pile.
Now would be when I would tag Bobby. He'd jump in, help clean he house, tame the laundry, find me containers, and nurse the baby while I got some sleep. Real sleep. He would do it all with the kids laughing and the baby well on the mend. He would deny all that of course but it's true because it;s happened more times than I can count.
So my thinking is: How the heck do parents do it either alone or where they operate as individuals and not as a tag team? I mean if you look at the Bible you can see something interesting. God instituted the leave and cleave command and then to enforce it He said to be fruitful and multiply. Yeah sure, ok it was to to help populate the earth, but by having kids you are kinda forced to cleave. You have to work together and work through things. There's a verse that talks about how if one man does something he can do so much and you would think that two would be able to do twice as much but it's not true. They are able to do so much more. It takes two baby.... and I am defiantly in need of my better half.

A martyr's vision

2010-11-07T20:44:00.001-05:00

The light streamed into the window illuminating the walls that were the same shade of blue as the sky outside. The halls of the school or the daycare, I couldn't tell which were, quiet. I could faintly hear the sound of children's voices and suddenly I found myself in a heated debate with Bobby. It was apparent from my "fore knowledge" that muslim extremists were coming soon, information we apparently knew about for days and we knew they were leaving a path of death and destruction to Christians in their path. The argument went that I was apparently ok with staying to meet our sure fate but now that they day was here I was having cold feet. I wanted to leave and hide with the boys but it was too late. I was scared. Bobby wanted us to stand firm in our faith and boldly proclaim that we were Christians. Finally he relented and started digging a hole in the court yard of the building, the thought was that the boys and I would be buried in there until they left. He started digging but we heard a loud noise in the building and we ran back to the hall where we had the argument. There were men everywhere. They were tall, they had t-shirts and army pants on and all of them carried automatic rifles, One man stood in front of us and shot me, as I fell I watched him turn and shoot Bobby. I saw his body vibrate with the impact of the bullet and it was a kill shot. He fell to the floor with a loud crack to his head. I waited, I remember thinking, this is it Lord, here I come. to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I was calm, I was ok with it. but seconds later I realized I wasn't dead. Why I don't know but I wasn't. I propped myself up on my elbow, Suddenly the man was over me, he was screaming at me to denounce Christ. Mutely I refused. I thought he would shoot me again. That I would be dead for sure. I was almost excited. I couldn't be more wrong. My attention was diverted to another man, the first man said "Fine, then watch." . I watched as he picked Isaac up and slammed his head face first onto the tile floor. As he picked him up I could hear my son, my oldest, my little red head, my 7 year old, screaming, blood pouring from his nose and mouth. his eyes, wildly staring at me.... He screamed my name in voice so filled with fear and pain that I will never forget it.The man picked him up and did it again. over and over I watched my son get his head bashed in. And I knew in that moment I would do ANY THING to make the man stop. anything.

It was with that, that I woke up. It seemed to real to be a dream, dreams are fuzzy, illogical and they blur when you wake up. this... this seemed more.
This was my "dream" last night.

The Now Times

2010-11-01T01:58:00.000-04:00

Ok so this is something I've been thinking about alot lately and being Halloween I figured it fitting.
I believe that some of the stuff in Revelation is happening now. Wow, dude, I can hear the groans and see the eye rolls now... not pretty. Do you want your face to stick like that forever? I didn't think so. That said (and because this is my blog and I can write what I want, no one is making you read this) I will take a few posts to look into different areas that I think are reasons/ proofs that we are living in the ~~End~~ Now Times.

Joel 2:28 "And it shall come to pass afterward,
that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh;
your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
your old men shall dream dreams,
and your young men shall see visions.
29 Even on the male and female servants
in those days I will pour out my Spirit.
30 “And I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and columns of smoke. 31 The sun shall be turned to darkness, and the moon to blood, before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. 32 And it shall come to pass that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. For in Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there shall be those who escape, as the Lord has said, and among the survivors shall be those whom the Lord calls.

Ever thought about what the heck a wonder is? I think that a wonder is a "I wonder what that is" and it's in the heavens or the sky. So is it a stretch that a wonder could be a UFO? I mean by very definition a UFO is an Unidentified Flying Object. or a Wonder in the Heavens. I mean I'm just saying. Yep, more eye rolling.
Consider these news articles
http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/289280
http://news.lalate.com/2010/10/06/ufo-over-china-airport-2010-photos/
http://www.latest-ufo-sightings.net/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58e_iKmiuk0&feature=player_embedded

I could go on. but I wonder what you think. I know this an issue that Christians don't like to talk about. We are uncomfortable with (ironically) the fantastical, the supernatural, and the weird. Don't you find that odd? The Word of God to the "unchurched" Joe Blow is FILLED with fantastical, supernatural, and weird. Just think about Unicorns (Job 39:9-12, Psalm 29:6, Isaiah 34:7 KJV) Dragons or Leviathans (Job 41, Psalms104:26, 74:14 KJV) Giants (Gen.6:4, 2Sam. 21:15-22)Crazy Dreams of Jacob, Joseph, Daniel, John, so on and so on, and then you have ALL of Revelation to contend with.
It seems like most people are ok saying they believe in the Bible and that the whole of Scripture is God breathed and true, but then it seams like they think that "those things" happened "back then" and none of that stuff happens now a days. No no no, that's just uncool. like exorcisms, speaking in tongues, visions, miraculous healing's, raising of the dead, unicorns, dragons and ufos. Hmmm..... it makes one think.
Sorry, back to the point. Whether or not you believe in UFOs you have to admit that the sightings are causing a lot of people to wonder.With the advent of the Internet and youtube lots more people can see speculate and wonder than ever before.
So this is just one reason I think that the End Times are at Now.

Parking Lot Churches

2010-10-26T13:49:00.000-04:00

         There is an area across the street from a big park in Savannah Ga where THREE churches share the same parking lot. I think there may be a strip of grass that differentiates where one church is and where the other is but they all share the same parking lot!!! I'm sure they are all nice folks, they all dress really nicely for church each Sunday morning. they all attend worship services at the same time. I bet they even get out at the same time. They are all roughly the same type of church. By that I mean it's not a Jewish Temple, Muslim Mosque and a Catholic Church. it's like two baptist churches and a Methodist church. every time I drive by there I want to throw something from one parking lot to the other. I've always wanted to call them and ask them if they all get together and do community projects together or if they get together and have socials. I want to call but I'm afraid of what I might say if they say what I think they would say.
     You see, several years back Church 1 was hit by a tornado and the steeple and a chunk of the roof was taken off. Now do you think that Church 2 and Church 3 helped them rebuild? Or offered them a place beside them in the pews the next Sunday? Maybe Church 2 and 3 let the pastor of church 1 take a turn at preaching from their pulpit. Heck NO! The following Sunday they had folding chairs and sat outside next to a busy intersection for all the city to see how stiff necked and hard hearted they were. News crews filmed them "coming together to face the hardship" HA... they didn't come together, they made a mockery of our faith. Scripture says you will know them by their love. What are the names of the three churches I write about? I honestly don't know, they are so mundane, so blah that my brain refuses to give them remembrance.
     They miss the point. They missed the whole point of Scripture. The people asked Jesus what the two most important rules are. If I were Jesus I would have said "Idiots I'm God.... EVERYTHING, I say is MOST important." Thank the Lord I'm not Jesus. He said " Love the Lord your God and Love your neighbor as yourself." That's it people. two rules. If you are a note taker you need to like write them really big because they don't take up a whole lot of space. How can you love your neighbor as yourself when you have a church and two feet away there is another building that claims to love Christ? These are your brothers and sisters in Christ. Say Hi. bring sweet tea, get to know them. Here's a thought: instead of sitting in the same pew and only getting to know the people in your personal area, try sitting in a different pew, in the building next door. Oh no, someone get the smelling salts we have a fainter. Seriously people. Its about Jesus, plain an simple. Not about us, what we get out of the service, not what makes us feel good, not was is pleasing to us. That's why God gave us spouses and children. but one day we are to gather together for fellowship FOR THE BUILDING UP OF THE CHURCH.
       If I took all my kids legos (I'll given them back after this analogy) and I made a house out of the blue ones and then a house out of all the green ones and then a house out of all the red ones. My houses would look nice, they would be small, the roughly the same size and dimension as the others. but if I broke them down and used all of them together there would only be one. it would be brightly coloured and it would be beautiful to God. who cares what I think it looks like.
Then it could share a parking lot and I wouldn't get all bent out of shape. ;)

I despise Calvinism

2010-10-26T10:24:00.000-04:00

No I really do. I know, you were probably expecting a "just kidding made you look" post and then me to ramble on and on about cats or something but, nope I really do despise Calvinism.
You see, I was reading in 1 Tim. something or other (yeah that's right I typed something or other, you're big kids and you have a concordance and Bible,(or you should have one), go look it up) And Paul writes that we shouldn't favor the rich guy that comes in wearing Ralph Lauren and driving a Vette. But when the guy who comes in dirty, poor and smelling slightly of cats and cigarette smoke, we sigh, go over to say hi but little else and then pat ourselves on the back for "going out of our comfort zone". Meanwhile we invite the Vette driving Ralph guy out to lunch, and get his cell phone number, house number, email address, and type his address into our GPS.
We are so quick to label people. rich guy, poor guy smart guy slow guy, Calvinist, tall guy, short guy. Didn't Paul say not to call ourselves followers of John the Baptist? Or Apollo's followers, or even Paul's followers. Why? because it labels us. it separates us. I have read a lot of really great posts, and read a few books talking about the dangers of the clergy laity divide. I get that. When you label a guy you place one man between God and man. Not cool. But when you give a group of guys a label of Baptists, or Calvinist, or Presbyterian, or Methodist, or whatever aren't you doing the same thing? Then you can turn the label around and use it to make up your mind about someone before you even get to know them. And the next thing you know, in a heated argument you can say "You- you- YOU Dispensational Armenian!" and the person you said it to can look like you just said something about the marital status of his mother at the time of his conception.
Is there going to be a section of Independent Baptists, and then another section of Freewill baptists and then the good old reformed Calvinist Baptist, in Heaven? If there is I'm sure that there will be a great crystal lake divide that will keep them far far away from the infant baptisers, and the Armenians and the catholics and the Methodists and the disciples, and Jesus, oh wait, did I say that out loud? My bad. You wanna know why I think we label people and ourselves? We're lazy. You see, when we label ourselves we tell everyone in a few words what club we belong to.We then don't have to spend time with the smelly cat guy to see what he believes, or doesn't believe because he has labeled himself a universal Unitarian. Or we can dismiss that girl that we see every day at the coffee shop because she's a baptist and thus she is obviously a christian and so I don't need to get to know her. By giving ourselves the label of this or that we define who we are without giving it another thought. Is this a good thing? is this what we want to do? More importantly is this what Jesus modeled? Is this what He wants us to do? Remember who He ate with, was friends with, brought the Gospel to. People with the "wrong label" on. He ripped the label off and then just forgave them, loved them and sent them on their way, changed forever.

Ok question time: whats a label that immediately puts you off when you hear it?

A ramble about my hectic life.

2010-10-25T00:48:00.000-04:00

Ok so let me just tell ya'll about my unending ~~week,~~ life.. About two weeks ago we started gearing up for what I knew was going to be crazy busy. The week started out with my mother in law getting the kids on Monday, so school was out for the day but it let me get the majority of the housework done that day. Tuesday I did laundry like a crazy lady and got ready to go grocery shopping that would have made Octomom proud. Wednesday I dropped the kids off with my wonderful friends the Carpenters and spent the day with my mother in law as she had knee replacement surgery. When I picked up the kid,s my youngest son was covered in this odd itchy rash. I was up and down all night with him and his "itchies" Thursday morning I took him to the doctor, thinking it was staph I was stunned to find out he was covered in poison ivy and it was on the verge of staph. took him home and loaded him with meds and cleaned a little while ( and made 3 more trips to the store) before my mom, my sister and her 3 month old daughter came in.They got in about 4m. Cooked dinner and got them settled in. Friday morning we were going to go to the park but then my mother in law called and I went and got her from the hospital, (which, bless her heart, took 2 hours just to get her from the hospital to her house) then a mad dash to walmart to pick up her Rx, they were going to take 3 hours to fill it so I went to another walmart, picked up my sister, and the boys and her daughter, went and dropped off my mother in laws Rx, her groceries, then rushed downtown to go to Light the Night. Saturday Bobby and I cleaned the chicken coop first thing that morning then we had a homeschool field trip to the Skidaway Oceanography Institute for Science Day. that was really neat and the kids had a blast. then home and dinner and then a night trip with Julie and her daughter for party supplies and gifts. Sunday found Josh and I BACK in the doctors office, he had gotten worse. Evidently, the itchies of the poison ivy had spread (how the heck was I to know that the sap can be active for up to a year and anything you touch has to be washed including shoes?????) and the staph had turned into infantigo. BACK to the pharmacy for a strong liquid steroid, a cream steroid (yes he DID turn into the incredible Hulk) and an antibiotic. Then we came home while everyone was at fellowship and I put on a movie and started washing all of his things. Sunday evening was very busy just trying to keep up with him and his roid rage. Monday I took my mother in law to her physical therapy at 8am and then blood work, and then grocery shopping, Rushed home to get the house decorated for my sisters oldest daughters birthday party that was a joint party with my sons "betrothed" (she turned 7) then we all headed out to Springfield for the fair. got home at midnight and was up by 8 to get ready and take my sister with me out to Wesley Gardens to check it out for my homeschool meeting where I was told I was getting up to talk about it but they didn't call me up. Oh well. got home and crashed. Wednesday we went shopping at once upon a child and ross, then came home and cleaned the house. At this point my mom started not feeling well and Bobby started complaining of allergies. Thursday I had to take my mother in law to physical therapy, blood work and shopping again, Bobby was sick and came home and went to bed. Thursday night at 11pm I realize that the next day was Friday and I had to bring a lesson and a craft to co op. Friday Morning after 3 hours of sleep we all went to Co op. My mom came and saw the boys and had lunch with them. they recruited me to be a team leader in the morning and then I taught that afternoon. Came home, got ready and went and had dinner with my mom. came home from that and stayed up with Bobby and Julie till 2am ( it was during this time that I got some video for facebook) At 7am mom and Julie and her daughter left, Bobby was throwing up in the bathroom and a bomb had gone off in my house. I cleaned till 4pm and then took the kids to the Garden City Fall Festival and then after the fireworks we made it home by 9:30pm got the kids in bed and decided that I was exhausted, I asked Bobby since he wasn't feeling well anyways that I wanted to stay home from fellowship the next day, he thankfully, said yes, This morning, I woke up at 10:30 (Bobby got up with the boys and Chloe) I just slumped around, I did get ready and go to the store for baby wipes, baby food and more meds for Bobby. came home and made a cake, then realised that whatever my mom had she shared with Chloe. She screamed till 10:30, and now, here I sit. trying to print out stuff for tomorrow and sooo thankful I had a restful day, it was wonderful and much much needed. Now I am trying to decide what to do about tomorrow? Clean and do laundry or do school. I can not wait till the boys are old enough and able to do school on their own. I'm not sure.... maybe I'll see how long the kids will let me sleep in and take it from there.

So, what have you been up to in the last two weeks?

Luke and the convo in my head

2010-10-21T00:46:00.000-04:00

Luke 6:40 A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.

Ok so I'm sure no one else has ever had this convo in their head as a parent after reading something or talking to someone. "Oh crap, I am totally going to screw my kids up! Why the heck did God give me these little people that I can ruin???" "Relax, you aren't going to ruin them." "Relax? RELAX?!? How can I relax? Did you read that passage? it says that the kids when they are fully trained will be like me!!! ME?!? I'm a basket case, why the heck do I want them to be like me, I want them to be better than me" "But Self, that is what the verse says, they will be like me." Really? do we really want them to be like me? I mean look at me I'm holding a whole conversation in my head." "Good point....ok so the only other option is to freak out." "my sentiments exactly.'' FREAK OUT!!!!!!

Yeah I bet you have never done that before. Well I have, and the other day at the home school meeting was no exception. I have heard this verse before, but never really thought about it. Now after my freak out moment, (Praise God they only last for a second) I kinda can see where this would be a good, albeit hard thing.

So the kids, my disciples are not above me. They have to listen, obey and respect me. When I am teaching they can't contradict what I am saying or be rude, that being said, how did Jesus teach his disciples? Through lectures, lessons, and the occasional scolding, true. But He taught through example. He served his disciples and then called them to go and do likewise. He was the perfect model. Then he made me a mother and said here ya go, make disciples. I read every book I could, I have talked to countless godly women who are farther in the parenting road than I am, and yet I read this and I thought it was like I saw first through a window dimly but now I can see it clearly. Motherhood is what I have been called to do and these three children are my mission field first and foremost, and I have to teach by example. I HAVE to have a close walk with the Lord and I have to rely completely on Him because I won't get to see how well I'm doing until it's too late and one day someone will say, They act just like their Momma, and I will have to take a long hard look at their lives and THEN I can see if I did a good job with the mission field God gave me.

It was a eye opening moment for me. One that I think will focus my attention off of the temporary and on to my children's eternal purpose. Because like it or not, I'm it. I can teach and teach and try and try to make them better than me but Luke said they will be like me. Scary thought isn't it? But it's also very humbleing at the same time. I have to work on me and be a better person in regards to my walk with Christ , because we all know "Monkey see Monkey do"

Question: What verse has ever made you freak out just by reading it?

Fashionably...... Modest??

2010-10-21T00:12:00.000-04:00

ok so this post has been a thought that has been on my mind for a while now...its something I would like to do but have no idea how to get from point A (in my head) to point B (out of my head) So I thought I would post it here and see if anyone had any ideas on how to make it happen.
Ok so here are my thoughts:
Modesty is something that is taught. Its something I had no concept of as a teenager and something I look back and wish I had a clue about what guys were thinking and WHY modesty is important.I know that as we look around immodesty is everywhere, but I have a hard time putting all the blame on the girl. I think that we as christians are called to be disciples and we are teach the younger women, so I think that we as followers of Christ have sorely missed the mark. I believe these girls are confused or niaeve about what guys think about when they look at scantily clad women. I think they may not know that its all that important today and if they do they may think that modesty is looking like one of the Little Women or Mary Poppins. They need to be taught these things. But have you seen some mothers today? they are not modeling modestly for thier daughters so maybe they need to be taught as well. How can a young girl look modest and fashionable at the same time? I am not sold on the whole idea that we should be wearing burkas and a turtle neck but at the same time I don't want to look like Brittney Spears either. I think that today girls are hit left and right with images in the media that are not realistic, and then they hear their parents and other "churchy" older people talk about modesty, and how "back in the day girls knew how to dress!" ok great but since I can't find a pair of bell bottoms or a hoop skirt anymore how does that apply to me. The two seem as if they will never meet.Yet everyday many of my wonderful godly women wake up and walk the modestly fashionable tightrope with ease.
     Nonetheless, I have this burden on my heart for awkward, gangly teenage girls. Why? I have no idea... ok that's not true, I know God has put it on my heart, but for what purpose, I have no clue, because I still get it wrong some times. I wear things and then I get out in the "real world" aka Walmart, I look down and bam! the shirt I thought covered everything has now suddenly decided to shrink and become a tube top. Ah, Grace.... I am so glad that God extends it to me, A LOT.
      Anyways back to the point. I have been thinking, and now I invite you to travel to Jessica World for just a moment, where time and money are your friend and children don't bother you every 5 seconds. I would have weekend girl event. there would be a talk on what the Bible says about modesty, different families perspectives on modesty, Godly men would come in and talk to the girls about the effects of immodesty on them and how they struggle with the visual. then it would culminate in a fashion show, where women (me) would go to local department stores, consignment shops, and thrift stores, and put together outfits for all types of girls, all types of weather and all age groups. that are all up to date fashionable, affordable and most importantly MODEST. We could also take pictures of some of women in the magazines and get clothing that is similar to theirs but that we have changed to make modest. We could do surprise makeovers on some of the attendees and give away outfits. and at the center of it all give the girls tools, practical tips and pointers on how to look your best (not sexy but nice) and not violate Gods Word.
          Ok so that is my thought. Where it would be held, who would pay for it, who would come... Well that part hasn't fleshed its self out yet. Hence the trip to Jessica World. However I am convinced that God has put this on my heart and so I know that He will work it out. Maybe through someone reading this blog, or a friend of a friend or something. Who knows, but now it's out there for all of my readers (Bobby) to read.
Ok now for questions,
What are some rules about modesty at your house?
How can we activaly reach out to young girls and teach them like we are called by Scripture to do?

More to come.....

2010-10-20T02:32:00.000-04:00

OK so I finally did it. I made a blog. I can promise you it won't be as theologically deep and thought provoking as my dear husband's or our wonderful friends..... but I can promise it will be rough around the edges, funny, honest and all me. So be nice :)
Alrighty, to start out here are two questions.

Any thoughts on how to make my blog better looking?

and.... I just started reading The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson, what book are you currently reading?